6 people and things that could replace David Cameron in the leaders’ debates…

Last week, David Cameron caused numerous jaws to drop when he announced his refusal to take part in televised leaders debates unless the Green Party were involved. A debate about the debates started to rage online, but we thought, if David Cameron wasn’t there to fight for re-election, who could take his place on the empty podium? Don’t phone in, it’s just for fun…

1. Myleene Klass  

Yes, she who blasted Ed Miliband over Mansion Tax and stuck up for grannies, whether they liked it or not. While not exactly Joanna Lumley championing the Gurkas, she’s already taken on Miliband on live TV. How immense would it be to watch Clegg, Farage et al crumble like dry cake as she wins every argument simply by loudly caterwauling ‘Pure and Simple’?

2. Alex Salmond

The poor dear’s stepped down as First Minister so he’s got time on his hands to jump in the PM’s shoes. He’s already got experience of running a country, and if the criteria is doing a similar job whilst the nation watches, it can’t be much different to when Alexandra Burke filled in for Kelly Rowland on X Factor, surely?  And look how happy Miliband is!

See…

3. 2Pac

Yes, he may have passed in the 90s, but the legendary west coast rapper has managed to release more singles posthumously than during his relatively short but epic career. His inclusion in the TV debate would not only be a political game changer, but a PR shocker that would make even Max Clifford’s eyes water. Let’s be real, even a hologram of a guy who’s been dead twenty years could still speak to the country’s yute dem far better than any party leader we currently have. Again, Miliband approves.

4. Ron Burgundy

Well, that escalated quickly… the 1970s local news anchor may be a ridiculously crafted fictional character, but you could argue that so are all the other people on that stage. With terrible fashion sense, questionable statements, buckets of narcissism and eye-roll inducing catchphrases, Burgundy would fit right in with our political leaders.

5. Al Murray

Honestly, you wait years for a beer-drinkin’ loudmouth with quirky ideas that upset the establishment but appeal to the everyman, then two come along at once. Watch with glee as a respectable but tedious affair becomes an all-out East End pub brawl, ideally chaired by Barbara Windsor in full Peggy Mitchell wig and attire. Unfortunately, the never-ending, oral-based hot air will remain intact in both of these scenarios.

6. A big blue cock…

Ahem… If we can’t find anyone to take the PM’s place, what about turning it into a space for public art? It worked wonders for the 4th plinth at Trafalgar Square, and while everyone else is squawking on about why they’ll make the next five years slightly less unbearable than their opponents, we all get something pretty to look at.  Win win.

Oi, Brown, who let you back in here?